It's Saturday, February 23, 2013 and I spent this entire day by myself in my dorm room doing absolutely nothing. I have a lot of homework but my mind and body were too tired from my night to even attempt to do it. It is 12:09am and a thought came to me, my lack of self esteem literally ruined my life. This thought came to be when I realized all the things I could be doing if I didn't care so much what people thought about me or if I just had the confidence to do what I wanted to do for myself. Let's go down the list shall we:
When I was in 3rd grade I wanted to learn how to play the guitar so badly! When I turned 8 my Daddy got me my first guitar and I never learned how to play. I took a guitar class in high school but I didn't learn anything from it, I would have 11 years of guitar under my belt but no, I had to slack off and not even try to play.
When I was in 5th grade I learned my love for acting, I always pictured myself on TV and in movies and I was really good in the drama group I took part in at my church. I learned this passion but even as young as I was, I always let the opinion of others dictate the way I thought and the way I acted. As a young kid of about 9 I was still called ugly by boys at school and so my confidence was zero even then and it kept me from continuing to work on my acting skills.
In middle school I played volleyball and basketball, I loved both of them and never quit. I completed solidly every season even though I was only on the B team every year. However, I still thought I was ugly and I paid special attention to how I looked through other people's eyes and that in of itself kept me from giving 110% to the sports I absolutely loved playing and when high school came around I didn't even think to try out because the only thing that went through my mind was all the girls looking down on me and wondering why in the world I thought I was good enough to be apart of the high school basketball or volleyball team. Luckily, I gained SOME confidence and was in track but I missed the other sports so much and not a day goes by that I don't wish I would have worked really hard and I might even be playing one of them for my college right now.
When I was 16 I had the privilege of going through a modeling and acting school, I was so pumped up to be doing something like this since I have loved the camera since birth! I was onto such a good start, I won a lot of awards in the modeling class and I even got the award for best monologue at the end of the class before we graduated from the modeling class. I began to build my portfolio and things were great. Now I have the worst modeling portfolio EVER, I honestly thought by age 19 I would be a paid model but no, I haven't done a photo shoot in more than a year and I am afraid that if I do another one then no one will believe I am a model. Just something else I put on the back burner because having friends was more important to me.
When I was a senior in high school I bought a Nikon D3000 and was going to start a photography business, I slacked on that too and now I have nothing to show for my love for photography. I should have been taking classes and doing things to be better, I could probably be making a lot of money right now if I just kept at it.
As I am typing this I am realizing that it is still not too late!! I can begin doing things, but I just get so discouraged with the fact that I had the chance to be SO far ahead right now.
I could be a guitar playing, preaching, photo taking model right now but I am absolutely NONE of them.
Anyways, the point of this is to illustrate the fact that lacking confidence does absolutely no good. My story obviously is going to be different than yours, but I want to challenge you to look at all the things you're missing out on simply because you can't see yourself how you truly are; amazing and capable of doing ANYTHING you set your mind to :)
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