It has been a long time since I last wrote, and even then my last posting was about my diet soda addiction. Well, I am happy to announce I am no longer addicted to it, I still have it every once in a while but it is no longer something my body thinks it needs. Though my addiction to diet soda has changed, it isn't the only thing that changed. My life took a drastic turn on August 18th when I was fired from my only source of income. So here is an update and the story of why I am now living on my Dad's best friend's couch in my new home of Boise Idaho instead of Coeur d'Alene, Idaho where I was going to school.
The story begins at the end of July 2013...
In case you didn't know, I spent the majority of my adolescence in Caldwell, Idaho and moved on Coeur d'Alene, Idaho in 2011 after graduation to be closer to my boyfriend (Dillon) at the time and to go to North Idaho College. We broke up October 2011 and continued to stay in touch while enjoying college life as single adults.
July 2013 I took 2 days off from work to take a road trip to Boise to visit friends, well I ended up spending all 5 days with Dillon and with that, realizing we still wanted to be together because after 2 years of being broken up we realized the "freedoms" of single adults only held a temporary happiness. A freedom necessary for young adults to experience in order to buckle down for a successful future.
A few weeks later, Dillon said he found a cool new job and randomly said 'now you should find a job down here!' this through me off. I had an apartment with 2 of the coolest girls I know and a good paying job...why on earth would I leave all of this? I wanted to be closer to him, but without guarantee of a relationship, I couldn't take the risk of leaving a good paying job and the luxury of my own home.
I couldn't go back to NIC for at least a semester because I had failed 2 classes, so I was just going to work for a semester..like insane hours with the end of summer so I could just continue paying my bills and save with the intention of doing minimal extra activities or partying with the approach of the cold weather. Unfortunately, my job's regulations had become very strict and without going to far into detail, my stay at my current job was reaching an end. This, was days after Dillon told me to move. So I had to weigh my options...
After some thought and realizing I had limited time to make an adult decision and decide what is best for me. I decided it was too risky to spend every penny I had left looking for a new job only to hit disappointment when rent was due and I had no money for it. So, I told my roommates I would be moving out and I told Dillon I would be moving down to Boise to be with him. I spent the majority of my days doing nothing but watching Netflix. As the month neared an end, I found another call center in Boise and took a spontaneous road trip only to get the job! And with that, I made preparations to move down here and be with the man I love.
Since then I have been working at my new job and living on my Dad's best friends couch. Dillon has been staying here too and it has been nothing short of perfect. Even though it sucks that we have opposing work schedules for now, I think we have plenty of time together on days off and plenty of time to miss each other while we're at work.
I am behind on my bills but having Dillon by my side has made this struggle and transition worth it every step of the way (:
My plan now, is to finish my associates degree at the community college here in Boise, move into an apartment with Dillon, and get a good teaching job with my bachelors! I don't know what our future holds but I know it has both of us in it!
We also want to go to church together. I am so excited.
I love you, Dillon Profit.
Monday, October 7, 2013
Monday, April 29, 2013
Day Three & Four- Quitting Diet Soda
Wow! The last two days have been very difficult. I'm getting to the point now where it's seriously tempting to give in and drink a soda. Yesterday, I almost caved when I went to the casino in my hometown.
I'm beginning to learn that my body craves it when I am under stress, the casino is very busy and since I wasn't gambling I was also bored. The sad thing about this new found fact is its beginning to look like it is in fact a drug!
I just kept reminding myself what is in it and talking about it with people helps, too. I think I'm doing good! I don't want to let my guard down, however because I might cave...
My coffee intake has been crazy but at least I know it's a lot more healthy for me and I'm not practically drinking battery acid.
Level of Difficulty- medium
I'm beginning to learn that my body craves it when I am under stress, the casino is very busy and since I wasn't gambling I was also bored. The sad thing about this new found fact is its beginning to look like it is in fact a drug!
I just kept reminding myself what is in it and talking about it with people helps, too. I think I'm doing good! I don't want to let my guard down, however because I might cave...
My coffee intake has been crazy but at least I know it's a lot more healthy for me and I'm not practically drinking battery acid.
Level of Difficulty- medium
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Day Two- Quitting Diet Soda
Well, today wasn't difficult at all either. Of course, when I went on my lunch break it took all of me to order just a tea from McDonald's instead of a diet soda, it was difficult to do but I managed to make it through an entire day without any caffeine. I definitely craved it though and wished I could have had some.
I'd like to take a second to thank God though, because though I am addicted to diet soda and shopping and caffeine, I don't have an addictive personality which makes it (sort of) easy to quit things like this.
I don't want to get too excited though, I hear the withdrawals for quitting diet soda are terrible! I need to go shopping for fructose sweetener so I can drink coffee so that I don't become a monster from quitting caffeine cold turkey.
DAY ONE DIFFICULTY LEVEL: Easy
I'd like to take a second to thank God though, because though I am addicted to diet soda and shopping and caffeine, I don't have an addictive personality which makes it (sort of) easy to quit things like this.
I don't want to get too excited though, I hear the withdrawals for quitting diet soda are terrible! I need to go shopping for fructose sweetener so I can drink coffee so that I don't become a monster from quitting caffeine cold turkey.
DAY ONE DIFFICULTY LEVEL: Easy
Friday, April 26, 2013
Day One- Quitting Diet Soda
Today I didn't drink any diet soda because I didn't have the time or the money to, however, we'll call this day one of quitting diet soda.
It wasn't that difficult to resist today because of my wallet, however, going 2 days without it hasn't been that difficult before. The challenge is going to be after 2 days, which, I am hoping to go tomorrow and spend this weekend not doing anything and not drinking any diet soda.
DAY ONE DIFFICULTY LEVEL: Easy
It wasn't that difficult to resist today because of my wallet, however, going 2 days without it hasn't been that difficult before. The challenge is going to be after 2 days, which, I am hoping to go tomorrow and spend this weekend not doing anything and not drinking any diet soda.
DAY ONE DIFFICULTY LEVEL: Easy
Addicted
I have been one of the few people in the world who is willing to admit her addiction right out. My addictions are pretty normal, I mean, a lot of people struggle with the same thing so you won't be seeing me on TLC's My Strange Addiction or anything but just tonight I hit a wall, and I am hoping this wall will knock some sort of sense into me.
I am addicted to Diet Soda.
When I first tried Diet Pepsi I honestly thought it was the most disgusting thing in the world-- I could not understand why anyone would find it tasty enough to drink period let alone every day. I cannot tell you how I started to like it because I do not remember. My tolerance for sugar has decreased drastically over the last 2 years and since I have been in college, I haven't had a ton of money at my disposal.
From a caffeine addiction that began when I was just 15 I would drink and purchase multiple cups of coffee on a regular basis but I started drinking diet soda to save some money, it didn't occur to me how long I've been drinking it until I really thought about it. I used to go to a gas station and purchase a 20oz diet soda and drink it in the summer. To be totally honest, when I take that first drink I feel amazing and when I get a can, I chug it because I love it so much. I cannot explain why, otherwise I would.
When I was an avid coffee drinker, I would drink a cup in the morning during my first period class (feels weird saying now that I've been in college two years), and then around 4 o'clock PM I needed a caffeine fix, it was like clock work. But now, I get a craving around 1pm and then at 5pm I am ready again for some diet soda. It's like something creeps up onto the back of my tongue and tells my brain it needs more!
Lately I have been noticing my skin itching really badly, all over me, constantly. I couldn't think of what it was from, my first thought was all the diet soda I drink...at first I didn't really think so because I have been drinking it for so long that I would have had these symptoms a long time ago. I also started a new job and a coworker of mine gave me a pep talk about how bad diet soda is for me.
Which, by the way, I heard ALL THE TIME.
Tonight, when I got home from work I looked up a YouTube video about how bad diet soda is for you. I learned there are chemicals in diet soda that you also find in rust remover and fire works! Essentially, Diet soda is chemicals...this is getting me thinking hardcore and I really want to quit!
In my research I have been seeing women who are in their late twenties who drink a diet soda at as early as 7:30 in the morning and have 6-9 cans a day! To be honest, I am almost there. It's scary. So right now I have bumps all over my skin and it is constantly itching and it's gross.
Diet soda is so awful it causes heart issues, it makes bones frail, it is the equivalent of a drug!
I hope I can stop because this is getting ridiculous, I need to start drinking coffee again. It is going to be way better for me.
I am addicted to Diet Soda.
When I first tried Diet Pepsi I honestly thought it was the most disgusting thing in the world-- I could not understand why anyone would find it tasty enough to drink period let alone every day. I cannot tell you how I started to like it because I do not remember. My tolerance for sugar has decreased drastically over the last 2 years and since I have been in college, I haven't had a ton of money at my disposal.
From a caffeine addiction that began when I was just 15 I would drink and purchase multiple cups of coffee on a regular basis but I started drinking diet soda to save some money, it didn't occur to me how long I've been drinking it until I really thought about it. I used to go to a gas station and purchase a 20oz diet soda and drink it in the summer. To be totally honest, when I take that first drink I feel amazing and when I get a can, I chug it because I love it so much. I cannot explain why, otherwise I would.
When I was an avid coffee drinker, I would drink a cup in the morning during my first period class (feels weird saying now that I've been in college two years), and then around 4 o'clock PM I needed a caffeine fix, it was like clock work. But now, I get a craving around 1pm and then at 5pm I am ready again for some diet soda. It's like something creeps up onto the back of my tongue and tells my brain it needs more!
Lately I have been noticing my skin itching really badly, all over me, constantly. I couldn't think of what it was from, my first thought was all the diet soda I drink...at first I didn't really think so because I have been drinking it for so long that I would have had these symptoms a long time ago. I also started a new job and a coworker of mine gave me a pep talk about how bad diet soda is for me.
Which, by the way, I heard ALL THE TIME.
Tonight, when I got home from work I looked up a YouTube video about how bad diet soda is for you. I learned there are chemicals in diet soda that you also find in rust remover and fire works! Essentially, Diet soda is chemicals...this is getting me thinking hardcore and I really want to quit!
In my research I have been seeing women who are in their late twenties who drink a diet soda at as early as 7:30 in the morning and have 6-9 cans a day! To be honest, I am almost there. It's scary. So right now I have bumps all over my skin and it is constantly itching and it's gross.
Diet soda is so awful it causes heart issues, it makes bones frail, it is the equivalent of a drug!
I hope I can stop because this is getting ridiculous, I need to start drinking coffee again. It is going to be way better for me.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Insecurity Destroyed My Life
It's Saturday, February 23, 2013 and I spent this entire day by myself in my dorm room doing absolutely nothing. I have a lot of homework but my mind and body were too tired from my night to even attempt to do it. It is 12:09am and a thought came to me, my lack of self esteem literally ruined my life. This thought came to be when I realized all the things I could be doing if I didn't care so much what people thought about me or if I just had the confidence to do what I wanted to do for myself. Let's go down the list shall we:
When I was in 3rd grade I wanted to learn how to play the guitar so badly! When I turned 8 my Daddy got me my first guitar and I never learned how to play. I took a guitar class in high school but I didn't learn anything from it, I would have 11 years of guitar under my belt but no, I had to slack off and not even try to play.
When I was in 5th grade I learned my love for acting, I always pictured myself on TV and in movies and I was really good in the drama group I took part in at my church. I learned this passion but even as young as I was, I always let the opinion of others dictate the way I thought and the way I acted. As a young kid of about 9 I was still called ugly by boys at school and so my confidence was zero even then and it kept me from continuing to work on my acting skills.
In middle school I played volleyball and basketball, I loved both of them and never quit. I completed solidly every season even though I was only on the B team every year. However, I still thought I was ugly and I paid special attention to how I looked through other people's eyes and that in of itself kept me from giving 110% to the sports I absolutely loved playing and when high school came around I didn't even think to try out because the only thing that went through my mind was all the girls looking down on me and wondering why in the world I thought I was good enough to be apart of the high school basketball or volleyball team. Luckily, I gained SOME confidence and was in track but I missed the other sports so much and not a day goes by that I don't wish I would have worked really hard and I might even be playing one of them for my college right now.
When I was 16 I had the privilege of going through a modeling and acting school, I was so pumped up to be doing something like this since I have loved the camera since birth! I was onto such a good start, I won a lot of awards in the modeling class and I even got the award for best monologue at the end of the class before we graduated from the modeling class. I began to build my portfolio and things were great. Now I have the worst modeling portfolio EVER, I honestly thought by age 19 I would be a paid model but no, I haven't done a photo shoot in more than a year and I am afraid that if I do another one then no one will believe I am a model. Just something else I put on the back burner because having friends was more important to me.
When I was a senior in high school I bought a Nikon D3000 and was going to start a photography business, I slacked on that too and now I have nothing to show for my love for photography. I should have been taking classes and doing things to be better, I could probably be making a lot of money right now if I just kept at it.
As I am typing this I am realizing that it is still not too late!! I can begin doing things, but I just get so discouraged with the fact that I had the chance to be SO far ahead right now.
I could be a guitar playing, preaching, photo taking model right now but I am absolutely NONE of them.
Anyways, the point of this is to illustrate the fact that lacking confidence does absolutely no good. My story obviously is going to be different than yours, but I want to challenge you to look at all the things you're missing out on simply because you can't see yourself how you truly are; amazing and capable of doing ANYTHING you set your mind to :)
When I was in 3rd grade I wanted to learn how to play the guitar so badly! When I turned 8 my Daddy got me my first guitar and I never learned how to play. I took a guitar class in high school but I didn't learn anything from it, I would have 11 years of guitar under my belt but no, I had to slack off and not even try to play.
When I was in 5th grade I learned my love for acting, I always pictured myself on TV and in movies and I was really good in the drama group I took part in at my church. I learned this passion but even as young as I was, I always let the opinion of others dictate the way I thought and the way I acted. As a young kid of about 9 I was still called ugly by boys at school and so my confidence was zero even then and it kept me from continuing to work on my acting skills.
In middle school I played volleyball and basketball, I loved both of them and never quit. I completed solidly every season even though I was only on the B team every year. However, I still thought I was ugly and I paid special attention to how I looked through other people's eyes and that in of itself kept me from giving 110% to the sports I absolutely loved playing and when high school came around I didn't even think to try out because the only thing that went through my mind was all the girls looking down on me and wondering why in the world I thought I was good enough to be apart of the high school basketball or volleyball team. Luckily, I gained SOME confidence and was in track but I missed the other sports so much and not a day goes by that I don't wish I would have worked really hard and I might even be playing one of them for my college right now.
When I was 16 I had the privilege of going through a modeling and acting school, I was so pumped up to be doing something like this since I have loved the camera since birth! I was onto such a good start, I won a lot of awards in the modeling class and I even got the award for best monologue at the end of the class before we graduated from the modeling class. I began to build my portfolio and things were great. Now I have the worst modeling portfolio EVER, I honestly thought by age 19 I would be a paid model but no, I haven't done a photo shoot in more than a year and I am afraid that if I do another one then no one will believe I am a model. Just something else I put on the back burner because having friends was more important to me.
When I was a senior in high school I bought a Nikon D3000 and was going to start a photography business, I slacked on that too and now I have nothing to show for my love for photography. I should have been taking classes and doing things to be better, I could probably be making a lot of money right now if I just kept at it.
As I am typing this I am realizing that it is still not too late!! I can begin doing things, but I just get so discouraged with the fact that I had the chance to be SO far ahead right now.
I could be a guitar playing, preaching, photo taking model right now but I am absolutely NONE of them.
Anyways, the point of this is to illustrate the fact that lacking confidence does absolutely no good. My story obviously is going to be different than yours, but I want to challenge you to look at all the things you're missing out on simply because you can't see yourself how you truly are; amazing and capable of doing ANYTHING you set your mind to :)
Thursday, February 21, 2013
So disappointed
I am a big bag of pathetic. Who am I? What am I doing in life? I sit back and check everything out. Sure, I'm in college but I am putting the minimal effort in. Sure, I have friends, but they don't ACTUALLY care about me. I am just looking at how much potential I have and I am wasting it!! I want to change, I really do.
Today, I was alone all day! I just went out of my dorm to eat and then come back but I never blog anymore, I don't take pictures, and the last time I did a photo shoot was a long time ago.
I have so many passions that have died, I want to bring them back to life.
Today, I was alone all day! I just went out of my dorm to eat and then come back but I never blog anymore, I don't take pictures, and the last time I did a photo shoot was a long time ago.
I have so many passions that have died, I want to bring them back to life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)