My mind has been such a big mess. There is no other way to explain it; I am happy one second and sad the next. Confident in my relationship with Dillon and...not, confident the next. It is so stupid, there is a difference between truth and what I think, a BIG difference. I don't know why I cannot get my mind out of this stupid rut.
I think I'm afraid of getting my hopes up, that is really what it comes down to.
I don't want to be disappointing with the outcome, so I try and change it with my mind. It is so ridiculous, especially since it is impossible to change things with my mind.
I am so scared to get hurt that I make up a future in my head and prepare myself for it.
I think this habit began when I was little; I used to predict things, weigh the options, and the outcome would be exactly how I predicted it. Even though all of those times were total coincidence, I instilled that mentality within myself and started thinking that whenever I predict something that it is going to come true. And when I can't predict something, I go insane!
I hope you can get something out of this, because I am just venting.
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