As you know, I have been reading this 50 Days book I got from the church that I had gone to a number of times. Today's was so applicable and the amazing thing about that is I hadn't been reading it for a week, so this is what I should have read a week ago.
In God's timing, He revealed to me just what I needed to know. Today's was called 'The Lord gives and He takes away'. The author told a story about how God revealed to him his pride, when he didn't realize he had a pride issue, he went on to say that as a preacher, he was using God's talent for himself and not for God.
As he went on, he described how we sometimes take the gifts God has given us to use them for our own glory. Why would God let us keep His gifts if we were just going to use them for ourselves? We all have a purpose, and that is to use His gifts to reach the lost and bring His creation back to Him. This made me realize something: Let's go back a few months, I had blogged about how my dream college had rejected me and they had told me to go to a community college for a year then try attending there again; 'guaranteed acceptance with a 2.3 GPA' so that's what I did, I found a community college that I love and the plan was to send my transcripts with a 4.0 and go to Northwest University, up until about 3 days ago. I realized that I should go here for 2 years, then transfer to a public university to get my bachelors THEN go to Northwest University for my Youth Ministries degree. I realized that God might not even have called me to be a teacher, it's just what I wanted to do. By straying from the plan that He has so obviously put in front of me, I was denying His ability to provide, and wanting to use His gift of teaching for my personal gain before I used it for His. The verse that he had us read was James 4:3 and it reads:
When you ask, you do not receive because you ask with the wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your own pleasures.
DUH! This is not only why I haven't been blessed with motivation, but it's why I still haven't found a job. There is proof that I was planning my money on my own pleasures in my post What I Want. I have needed to check my motives, I had thought that mine were correct but in the depths of my mind, I wanted to be able to buy things for myself. I was looking forward to having my own income because if I was the only one I had to support, then I would be able to buy nice clothes and expensive makeup, have a nice car, nice apartment, etc. The entire motive behind wanting to prolong the time before I became a Youth Pastor was to have money. I never thought it would be a problem, in my mind I never really thought money was something I really liked or cared that much about. He has revealed to me that I do have an unhealthy obsession with what money can get me. It is just the farthest thing from cool.
If His will for me is to go to Northwest University with tons of debt so that I never become rich, then that is His plan. I should want to do nothing but help people with His gift of teaching so that He gets glory. I might help people by being a teacher, but who would get the reward? Me.
I am not sure what God wants me to do yet, I know He wants me to be a Youth Pastor, but is that the only thing? Maybe I could be an English teacher at a Christian high school?
I don't know, but I am beyond thrilled that He taught me this today, otherwise, I might still be frustrated with Him. My motives need to be right with God.
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