When in doubt, WRITE!

Whenever I can't sort out my own feelings or emotions, I go right to the journal and pen or the blog and keyboard, God gave me the gift of writing and He always has a way of revealing things I could never put into thoughts or even words. Usually it helps to just GO and do it, so that is what I am doing. To clarify why I am going through this, I will explain what happened:
Dillon & I decided to break up.
Up until 3 weeks ago, we were still convinced we'd be able to get through the long distance relationship, he stared to get distant because he thought it would be best to break up, and I had started losing hope in the relationship by becoming more..."clingy" (if you will). It took a phone call to realize that, we indeed had mutual feelings. Dillon has and always will be my best friend! We have a lot in common, we can talk for hours, and we can make each other laugh. But does that have to make up a boyfriend, girlfriend relationship? Not really. We had fallen back into the Friendship we always had. In a sense, yes, he did give up. I was willing to do whatever it took to get those feelings back, but he made a lot of good points.
ANYWAY! This blog isn't about our break up.
My emotions and thoughts have been everywhere. It's like I am two different people. The night between us talking and my class, I got literally no sleep. I tossed and turned and begged God to help me go to sleep. The next day I was so tired that I felt like I was in a different dimension- like I was in a dream. I was so emotional and hungry, I was confusing that with depression about the break up. 
Everything, literally, about this situation is a positive thing. Dillon explained and I agreed that we would both be happier and that we haven't lost each other. We are perfect best friends, that is no question! 
So everything is positive, yet when it gets to be about 8 o'clock at night, I start crying. I just cannot understand it. It is probably stupid, that's why I am rambling because I am hoping that while I am, that something will be revealed to me. Answers! Either that or I want answers that I do not actually need. I am just so tired of this, thinking thoughts that dictate my feelings. Saying one thing, and stopping myself for whatever reason. 
For example: I think about Dillon with someone else, even just talking to another girl, and I don't feel a thing- I don't feel jealous, I seriously don't feel a thing. But then my mind pops in there and says "you're suppose to care" LIKE REALLY? I am forcing myself to feel feelings. 
Granted, yes, this is difficult. However, this is so amazing because he is still in my life! So beyond thankful it is ridiculous. 



So why do I want to cry at night? Why do I have tears with no real emotions, I can't explain it! I think there is an empty space, after being with one person for 13 months, and all the sudden you're not. I personally have the idea that I don't have a general realization of the single life. That's all! Like it really has nothing to do with Dillon. I just need to stop. Take control as I said before.