Changing for the Better

Up until now, my motivation to change has yet to turn into action and I am tired of it. There are all of these things I want to do but for some reason there's something that keeps me from pursuing it--this year I want things to be different and I am hoping that this blog (which started as a journal entry) will be something good to look back on. On a train from San Francisco to Roseville, California I thought I should spend my time focusing on the way I think and making sure I follow through with things.
I thought of some of the many things I tell myself in my head to try and justify choices that I make, and then what I should tell myself, so yes, basically I am talking to myself...

Two Things I Need to Stop Doing:
1. Depending on future incomes to justify spending money. (I tend to tell myself that I am getting money later so I can spend it now).

2. Convincing myself to buy unnecessary things, or rushing...

Why?

• I remember seeing all the nice things in stores that I cannot afford because I chose to spend money on other things, knowing that I could get those things if I just had some self control.
• I remember all the things I have to miss out on because I don't have money, all the times I want to go out to eat but can't, or want to go to the movies but can't.
• I remember all the things I wish I had right now, like a laptop for school, a nicer car, and a compact camera...
• I remember whenever I am broke telling myself, you would have so much money if you didn't spend it.

Something else I have been struggling with is laziness with my appearance. For some reason over the last semester I have valued sleep over much else and wanted to take naps all the time and sleep until the last minute before classes started, it was only on nights I wanted to go out that I would get ready. This is a problem because when I think I look bad, my attitude reflects that and also my confidence...
I cannot let myself be lazy anymore because then I can't have a good day because my mood isn't reaching its full potential.


The most difficult part of this new year is realizing that I didn't achieve anything I wanted to...in fact, I went more down hill than up! Sure, I made more friends, but I have to stop thinking about other people so much and focus more on myself. Being who I want to be, because even though the people in college are more accepting and I have more friends than in high school...I still am not who I want to be because I think about how others will see me too often.

Well, this is going to change...I am going to stop trying to please people!! I am done going out of my way to do favors, I am focusing more on myself.
<3

Happy 2013 everyone